Friday, January 22, 2010

Bomtron's Declassified Zombie Survival Guide (Or 101 Zombie Escapes)


Z. Type: Slow zombie
Infestation Level: Moderate
Setting: Rural
Handicap: No usable vehicles/hoofin' it.
Weapons: Rocks, sticks, firearms (found in homes), tools (found in homes, barns, garages, or tool sheds)

In the rural setting, the lumbering zombie is at a disadvantage. While zombies never seem to tire and will hunt you relentlessly, they can't possibly keep pace with you if you are uninjured. Hopping over a downed tree or jumping a creek may be no issue for a healthy human, but the zombie may find it a bit of a frustration (if they can get frustrated).

Use the open terrain to your advantage by steering clear of clusters of zombies and leading the pack through areas that can cause zombie traffic jams or even result in a few being taken out. The elements and surroundings can be just as dangerous for you as for the zombies, but if you handle the situation carefully and stay calm you may be able to thin their numbers.

You could try holing up in a farm house, but history (Ramero's Night of the Living Dead) shows that if there is a way in, the swarm will find it. And they seem to be drawn to anything that can possibly support life. Use your best judgment in this case. Do you want to wait for them to come to you or would you rather search for survivors and use the open terrain to spot any oncoming threats?

It would behoove you to focus on evasion until such a time as you meet up with some country folks in a flatbed with a lift kit. These people will have weapons. Not only is their mode of transportation a weapon, they will have access to everything from chainsaws to machine guns. Laws vary, so weapon cache size will depend on which state you are in. If you live in Europe the best you can hope for is an Isuzu Trooper and a low caliber hunting rifle. A lot of these people will be on the hunt as it is their culture to track and kill for sport. Be wary of the gung ho members of the group, they tend to get in over their heads quickly. Find a level headed member of the crew and stick to them like glue. Some suggestions would be: the simple country minister or the unassuming farmhand. The slow to action personality type will keep you from falling prey to mob mentality and revenge lust.

If you haven't found anyone by nightfall, avoid making fires. A fire will attract the wrong kind of attention. Is it really worth it be cozy and warm when the heaving-lurching mass finds your camp site. Instead, try sleeping in a tree or a protective enclosure of bushes. It sounds counter intuitive, but the slow moving undead aren't too bright and if it's dark you'll be aware of them before they become aware of you. Scattering twigs and dead leaves around your perimeter can act as an alarm system of sorts. As the zombies shuffle along, they will not be able to tread lightly enough to avoid the crunch of sticks and leaves.

If you find yourself in this situation remember these tips, but only as guidelines. Each situation is different and it's always good to be ready to adapt to new challenges and unforeseen circumstances.

Keep calm, keep cool, keep alive.

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